Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Rant category.
CAS makes us manic-depressives
IB makes us develop mental illnesses. TOK makes us cynical and jaded, Coursework in general makes us frantic and neurotic. And CAS makes us into manic-depressives.
We sign up for ridiculous and overambitious projects with no real intention to contribute to society. We only do it to get hours. IB makes us sociopaths.
I was just thinking about my CAS. I’m trying to claim 96 Creativity Hours, 80 Action Hours and 54 Service Hours. This is not including any of this year’s projects. I realize that it will be hard to justify this.
The irony of it all is that I probably did more than this. I’m purposefully reducing my hours to make it look more ‘normal’. It’s silly, really. I was involved in 3 productions. I’ve written, acted and carried heavy things around. But apparently those Swiss bastards in IBO don’t believe me. Now, I can’t help feeling that I haven’t really done anything. It’s a bad feeling. I feel impotent. My work has no value.
I’m supposed to write, but everything my ideas are coherent enough. I involve myself in drama, but I don’t have the skills to go beyond a minor roles. I’m not funny. My funniest jokes involved the word nigger. I’m not even a nigger. I’m a Ceylonese and I’m a cultural bastard (Don’t know jack shit about Ceylon).
I don’t contribute to society. I’m a bad person. I should be sent for therapy or something, where I can get ride the psychedelic roller coaster of anti-depressants and sedatives. Zoloft and Prozac ftw!
Maybe I should have taken on more responsibilities. That way, I can be really stressed now, and won’t have time to worry about this sort of thing.
But seriously. I suppose acceptance of my failure as a human being is the first step.IB has taught me so much. I’m a much better person now. And if I’m not, TOK teaches me how to justify suicide.
Damn you Singnet
I am angered by Singnet. In a way most deep and profound.
For quite some time now, my connection has become perfidious, timing out at the most inconvenient of times. Like when I try to work on my TOK presentation. This is quite aggravating. I am tempted to engage in a number of activities. Terrible, unspeakable and unnatural activities – such as watching local television.
I happened to happen upon a very special episode of a certain television series starring Gurmit Sigh. The show’s producers apparently thought it would be a good idea to allow the public to submit scripts for skits that would be performed on the show. Although I don’t condone fan fiction, one of the skits was pretty good. It was written by a policeman of some sort, and had sufficient amounts of puns and such-like to appease me. I reminded me of a localized Abbot and Costello routine. This is a good thing. Its not often one stumbles around good humor in local television. Unfortunately, I doubt that this policeman will continue to contribute to the show – what with having to deal with the dangerous threats of gum-chewers, nay-sayers and subutex-purveyors.
iPhone!
Everyone’s talking about the iPhone all of a sudden. Which makes me really pissed off, because everyone is talking about the iPhone all of a sudden. Its not that a big of a deal. Guys, not everything Apple comes up with is inherently great. It isn’t Sony you know. (snigger snigger snigger).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited too. Hell, I’ve promised myself that I’m switching to Apple the night before the iPhone comes out,just so it won’t be lonely.
But it also makes me laugh because I remember the Zune. I remember the Zune like I remember the Korean War. Its not quite the Vietnam War, but its important too! I mean, Stalin was still getting his shit on during the Korean War.
Stalin does to robot in front of a confused Molotov.
But anyway…..
Oh Microsoft, your fucked now. Especially since all the people who used to buy Microsoft, (i.e., the poor, foolish and geeky) are now switching to Macs. But Bill Gates still in the game. He’s still a player. He’s got a plan. Last I heard, though. he gave 98% of his fortune to charity. Which, ironically, was used to buy insulin and iPods.
In other news, I’ve also found a great new site for vids. Here’s a one Robin Williams clip. Live at the Met.
Nasty Bugs and Youtube
A man is sitting at home reading Kafka. Suddenly, his doorbell rings. Getting up, he goes to answer it. However, to his horror, he is confronted by a 7 foot tall cockroach with eyes like fire, mandibles like scimitars, and a studded leather jacket. Before he can respond, the bug begins screaming profanities at him and slapping him across the face. Then, just as suddenly as it appeared, the bug leaves. Stunned and bleeding the man crawls to his phone to call the police.
They respond -
“Well, there is a nasty bug going around.”
Fine It’s not that funny, but I’m in that bad place, medicated enough to be groggy, but not medicated enough to be high. It’s sort of like limbo, but without all of the confused babies and angry Jews. I may be misintrepreting something, but who cares, this is the internet, I can say whatever the hell I what.
I used my free time to finally get one of those starhub fellas down here to fix my television set. They are suprising adept at this somewhat arcane and revered art.
Of course, I’m wondering why starhub is doing us this favor, with the free upgrades and all. I believe it is some sort of secret plot, involving fanatical cults and possibly TiVo.
Which reminds me of YouTube. There are things about Youtube that I do not understand. Like, why, for instance people spend there time putting up clips and screenshots of anime shows, set to the always appropriate songs of Metallica. There is nothing more annoying than seeing a that fellow from Fullmetal Achemist spasming to St Anger.Even the ridiculous hordes of cam whores that have managed to latch onto Youtube, like some electric remora of angst, aren’t as bad because you can avoid them, for the most part.
Yes, animated epilespy to heavy metal is probably the worst thing on Youtube. Its worse that the so-called commenters. Rarely do you find anything that is even remotely helpful. The best you will get is a few idiotic quotes from the clip. And of course you will have the flamers, a small but select group who make vague accussations about how terrible the video actually is. They are of course opposed by another select group of twits, the constantly optimistic protectors of the rights of the people – namely the right the post god-awful crap on the internet. Again, it does not matter if the film in question is good or bad, all that matters is that it exists. Finally, there is that group that we all know and love, the people who ask that all important question -’ what’s that song in the background’. It doesnt matter if the clip is entitled ‘Pink Floyd- Live in Concert’ or ‘The Execution of Saddam’. There will always be some curious, but generally ignorant prick who demands to know the name of that oh-so-catchy tune in the background.
Damn them. Damn them all.
Gamers
Blizzard recently began the next stage in its devious scheme to achieve complete and total world domination by releasing the first ever WoW expansion- The Burning Crusade. Apparently (Oh weasel words, how I love you) the most addictive thing on the market, aside from acid.
Which leads me to question the purpose of gamers and their ilk in our world. I’ve heard of people farming for gold and selling it. Now, that seems like a sad way to live. But Hey! I shouldn’t be the one to critize.
The best I can figure, the only purpose they serve is to pump money into the aesthetic portion of the VR and computer industry, which we all would be thankful for once we as a race inevitably start living in a virtual reality simulation of the world, when the effects of global warming and pollution make life on this impossible.
Fortunately for me I don’t game anymore and I’ve always stayed away from MMORPGs, if only due to my irrational fear of long acroynms.
And with good reason. Gestapo was an acronym. Amphetamine is an acronym. Unicef is an acronym. And the list goes on.
The Day the Internet Died.
This is my New Years Resolution. For the longest of times, I stopped writing seriously. In fact, it’s been about 2 and ½ years this week. Hurray for disillusionment and procrastination! Just call me Johnny Ne’er-do-well. I don’t really remember why I stopped. It certainly didn’t seem like a good idea at the time. But I was young and foolish then. True, I’m still young and foolish. But now, I’m young, foolish, and ON WORDPRESS MUTHAFUCKAS!
I know I shouldn’t be swearing, but that’s the only way to make the joke work. See, kids? Swearing is what we comedians call, plan b. If the joke doesn’t work, just add a profanity.
Moving right along now.
Oh and that’s another reason why I’m blogging again. Need to find a way to beat out all my inner demons that doesn’t involve navigating the daytime talk show circuit.
I mean, that’s just sad.
I had the opportunity to see what we get in Singapore last year – we basically have Ellen Degeneres and Tyra Banks doing Oprah impressions. Freaky shit, my friends. Ellen should have stuck to stand up and seafood. And Tyra seems to have developed a taste for terrorizing people with serious psychological problems after American’s Next Top Model and slapping domestic servants. Maybe that last one was Naomi. I forget. I’ve always wondered whether Naomi Campbell was heir to the great Campbell Soup fortune. But somehow I’ve always felt that those Campbell were white. I mean, they make soup. The only people who drink soup religiously are homeless white hobos, and rich white pricks with fake accents. Maybe I’m just generalizing.
*plot twist*
Heavens to Murgatroyd, I forgot how fun it was doing that was. It was mine first you know, but couldn’t keep it to myself. I mean, it’s so simple. Can’t go any further with an idea, but don’t know how to stop? Just-
*plot twist*
Recently, the internet broke. Reports said that earthquakes in Taiwan had damaged ‘undersea cables’. Somehow I’m sure that the man who bought us the Sinking of Japan has already secured the movie rights. The Day The Internet Died – Starring Tom Cruise. Your connection’s time is up. It’ll be a cult classic.
But still. The internet! Broken by Earthquakes! Somehow I don’t believe it. It was probably terrorists, communist, or the French. Maybe a Communist French Terrorist, you never know.
But still!! (I can do this all night)
The Internet! Dead! In Taiwan!
That was a surprise for me. I mean, I always thought that the Internet was kept in a shoebox under Al Gore’s bed. That, or in the stork brought it.
I know what the internet needs. The internet needs an anthropomorphic personification. Like the Grim Reaper, but more of a badass. I can almost picture him (the internet is a guy, friends. I mean, 80% of his being is dedicated to porn. ) He’ll be the sum total of every jackass who has ever flamed you on a forum and the bastards who write spam mail. He hates emo people with a passion, mainly because they’re attracted to him by the horde. He has no morals whatsoever. He’ll quote sitcoms endlessly. His existence is in a perpetual state of bad taste. He’ll be wearing a suit – top half at least (for conferences while telecommuting) and he most probably won’t be wearing pants. He smells of alcohol, marijuana, rotting fast food and quantum processors. He’s has a lot of viruses too, but I don’t think I’ll go into that…ahem. He’ll be fluent in 1337-speak, but barely able to construct a grammatical correct sentence He has an irrational fear that something is eating his bandwith. He’ll have done a lot more that you can imagine, but most of the time you don’t believe him when he tries to tell you. He’s be a pirate AND a ninja.He will claim to be an African prince, and would constantly promise you a great fortune, if you would just give him some money to get out of the country.
