Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Humour category.
Funny Things
I’ve taken to compiling lists of the vague humorous things we discuss.
1. Awkward Silences and their variations ( Ali and Reuben)
What happens if you see someone you know, but they don’t seem to see you? You could wave and look like a tard, or not wave and look like a prick. Dillema! Especially if, at the last moment the person notices you, and looks you right in the eye. Aah, the horror! The social horror!
2. Famous Orphans (Ken Tay)
Harry Potter, James Bond, Anne Frank, Darth Vader, BATMAN. The list goes on. Why are orphans so popular? They should make a game, or a tv-show. “Orphan Escape?”.
3. The Chewbacca Defense ( Sam and Feng – A reference to South Park)
Apparently, the Chewbacca Defense is something litigators use to confuse the Jury.
As Taken from Wiki
“Cochran: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef’s attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote “Stinky Britches” ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Gerald Broflovski: Dammit!
Chef: What?
Gerald: He’s using the Chewbacca Defense!
Cochran: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major record company, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.”
Everyone is going to end up either a Doctor or a Lawyer. Honestly, they should just ask us all to go to the audi, then tell the doctors to go to the left and the lawyers to go to the right. Then tell the rest of us to leave.
Funny
I think this is very good. Click on it. Now. Watch it. Then read the next paragraph.
Penn and Teller showed me how cheap televised magic really is. It insults your intelligence as a viewer. Those guys at Human Giant, they have the right idea. Very funny.
Another Human Giant Clip
CAS makes us manic-depressives
IB makes us develop mental illnesses. TOK makes us cynical and jaded, Coursework in general makes us frantic and neurotic. And CAS makes us into manic-depressives.
We sign up for ridiculous and overambitious projects with no real intention to contribute to society. We only do it to get hours. IB makes us sociopaths.
I was just thinking about my CAS. I’m trying to claim 96 Creativity Hours, 80 Action Hours and 54 Service Hours. This is not including any of this year’s projects. I realize that it will be hard to justify this.
The irony of it all is that I probably did more than this. I’m purposefully reducing my hours to make it look more ‘normal’. It’s silly, really. I was involved in 3 productions. I’ve written, acted and carried heavy things around. But apparently those Swiss bastards in IBO don’t believe me. Now, I can’t help feeling that I haven’t really done anything. It’s a bad feeling. I feel impotent. My work has no value.
I’m supposed to write, but everything my ideas are coherent enough. I involve myself in drama, but I don’t have the skills to go beyond a minor roles. I’m not funny. My funniest jokes involved the word nigger. I’m not even a nigger. I’m a Ceylonese and I’m a cultural bastard (Don’t know jack shit about Ceylon).
I don’t contribute to society. I’m a bad person. I should be sent for therapy or something, where I can get ride the psychedelic roller coaster of anti-depressants and sedatives. Zoloft and Prozac ftw!
Maybe I should have taken on more responsibilities. That way, I can be really stressed now, and won’t have time to worry about this sort of thing.
But seriously. I suppose acceptance of my failure as a human being is the first step.IB has taught me so much. I’m a much better person now. And if I’m not, TOK teaches me how to justify suicide.
Love Actually,HLs over, CNY, etc. (Damn Singnet again)
Love Actually is actually a lovely movie. Definitely has some re-watching value. Of course, I spent half the time there laughing at the wrong things. I’m used to darker and more off-beat comedies. Like the Life Aquatic.
The plot is relatively complex. I’ve seem better ‘many-linked-stories’ movies. Crash and Bug, for instance. Nonetheless, this is probably the best British romantic comedy I’ve seen.
Funny things include – Hugh Grant’s Prime Minister ( Why is it that Hugh Grant is in all British romantic comedies, was he blessed/cursed by some gypsy movie executive?) and that old rocker guy. There were other serious parts, which I still find it funny as hell. The split-screen ending thing for instance. I suppose I’m just a bad person. (Snigger, snigger. Splitscreen.)
In other news, having 3 HL papers in 2 days is an experience. What a rush. My hands are still tired. Fortunately, it also means I can spent CNY slacking. And unlike you lot, I don’t need to visit anyone.
*plot twist*
I am reminded of a certain project with I am supposed to do. A project involving comics. So if anyone (even you, Spambots) has any good ideas, please drop me a line. Anyone? Anyone at all?
*plot twist*
Everyone needs to audition for LSY. We need to flood the system. FLOOD THE SYSTEM! Make it a real competition again. I remember a time when sec 1s had to engage in gladitorial combat to get into LSY.
*plot twist*
The Arena is a show designed to make Singaporeans interested in debate. Its really stupid. I suppose it’s working. I’m trying to find out more about debate just so I can fully appreciate how incredibly stupid it is.
I don’t sit in the seat of mockers. I throw it, along with the insults.
I don’t sit in the seat of mockers. I mock it too. It’s a lousy excuse for a seat.
I don’t sit in the seat of mockers. It’s way to crowded there. I’d rather sit with the critics. They get better appetizers, and can call their whining constructive.
iPhone!
Everyone’s talking about the iPhone all of a sudden. Which makes me really pissed off, because everyone is talking about the iPhone all of a sudden. Its not that a big of a deal. Guys, not everything Apple comes up with is inherently great. It isn’t Sony you know. (snigger snigger snigger).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited too. Hell, I’ve promised myself that I’m switching to Apple the night before the iPhone comes out,just so it won’t be lonely.
But it also makes me laugh because I remember the Zune. I remember the Zune like I remember the Korean War. Its not quite the Vietnam War, but its important too! I mean, Stalin was still getting his shit on during the Korean War.
Stalin does to robot in front of a confused Molotov.
But anyway…..
Oh Microsoft, your fucked now. Especially since all the people who used to buy Microsoft, (i.e., the poor, foolish and geeky) are now switching to Macs. But Bill Gates still in the game. He’s still a player. He’s got a plan. Last I heard, though. he gave 98% of his fortune to charity. Which, ironically, was used to buy insulin and iPods.
In other news, I’ve also found a great new site for vids. Here’s a one Robin Williams clip. Live at the Met.
Nasty Bugs and Youtube
A man is sitting at home reading Kafka. Suddenly, his doorbell rings. Getting up, he goes to answer it. However, to his horror, he is confronted by a 7 foot tall cockroach with eyes like fire, mandibles like scimitars, and a studded leather jacket. Before he can respond, the bug begins screaming profanities at him and slapping him across the face. Then, just as suddenly as it appeared, the bug leaves. Stunned and bleeding the man crawls to his phone to call the police.
They respond -
“Well, there is a nasty bug going around.”
Fine It’s not that funny, but I’m in that bad place, medicated enough to be groggy, but not medicated enough to be high. It’s sort of like limbo, but without all of the confused babies and angry Jews. I may be misintrepreting something, but who cares, this is the internet, I can say whatever the hell I what.
I used my free time to finally get one of those starhub fellas down here to fix my television set. They are suprising adept at this somewhat arcane and revered art.
Of course, I’m wondering why starhub is doing us this favor, with the free upgrades and all. I believe it is some sort of secret plot, involving fanatical cults and possibly TiVo.
Which reminds me of YouTube. There are things about Youtube that I do not understand. Like, why, for instance people spend there time putting up clips and screenshots of anime shows, set to the always appropriate songs of Metallica. There is nothing more annoying than seeing a that fellow from Fullmetal Achemist spasming to St Anger.Even the ridiculous hordes of cam whores that have managed to latch onto Youtube, like some electric remora of angst, aren’t as bad because you can avoid them, for the most part.
Yes, animated epilespy to heavy metal is probably the worst thing on Youtube. Its worse that the so-called commenters. Rarely do you find anything that is even remotely helpful. The best you will get is a few idiotic quotes from the clip. And of course you will have the flamers, a small but select group who make vague accussations about how terrible the video actually is. They are of course opposed by another select group of twits, the constantly optimistic protectors of the rights of the people – namely the right the post god-awful crap on the internet. Again, it does not matter if the film in question is good or bad, all that matters is that it exists. Finally, there is that group that we all know and love, the people who ask that all important question -’ what’s that song in the background’. It doesnt matter if the clip is entitled ‘Pink Floyd- Live in Concert’ or ‘The Execution of Saddam’. There will always be some curious, but generally ignorant prick who demands to know the name of that oh-so-catchy tune in the background.
Damn them. Damn them all.
Tommy Cooper Clip
Tommy Cooper – Britain’s greatest prop comic and magician. Another personal favorite of mine. He could make an audience laugh by just walking onstage.
Jabberwacky
Macroeconomics is complex and fun. Take the Laffer curve for instance. From what I gather, the man is saying that decreasing taxes would lead to the government getting more taxes. The strange thing is that it makes a lot of sense. What a laff.
Putting the Lame puns aside now.
I had an interesting conversation with this fellow. Apparently they managed to program him with enough obscure net referrences to pass as an actual netizen.Fantastikal!
The Bells! The Bells!
Drama auditions are finished. Lots of talented people around, these days.
My boxed internet shtick is evolving.Today i wandered around with a bell. Its interesting to watch how people react. Some people ring it, some people just ignore me, and some people actively back away. Some even were so entranced by the contraption that they followed me for some time. Needless to say, I was quite amused. Mission Status : Success!
Shivana advised me to keep the bell with me whenever I venture out to forage. Plunk it on the counter and ring it, then pocket it again when the service stall appear. Intriguing.
*plot twist*
Filling out that pc form today that documented my activities left me strangely disturbed. I never seem to have time, but I don’t do shit. Where did my time go last year?
In other news, the Prata stall has succeeded in cornering the SAC food market. I smell a strike in the near future.
