I may not be ready to leave this place just yet. Ah screw it. I have a short attention snap, so I need a change to keep blogging.
And so, new place.
It’s been a good year.
Better than last year, I think. I hope you’ve noticed I’ve been changing – or at least trying to change. I’ve been pulled closer to God, and I’ve seen my life in a whole new light. This is good – I hope it means that , in time, I’ll become better than what I was before.
The IB experience has changed me as well. I think it’s changed me for the better. I think differently, I write differently and I talk differently. It’s still me, but now I’m slightly more presentable. I just my results don’t prove me wrong.
You’ve changed me as well. This has been a strange time we’ve had together, in this strange land. It’s time to move on to a different place though. I’ll tell you when it’s set up.
Paper Review
I tried to write a long post about my papers but simply couldn’t get around to it. I’ve realized that all I really need to do right now is place them in God’s hands. No matter what, I’ve learned that alone, I can’t really achieve much, but through God’s grace, I’ve done things that are… well, beyond my own capacity.
So I’m letting go of this – no matter what I get, I know its what I’m supposed to get , in the grand scheme of things. I’m still praying I do obscenely well though.
Finale 2
We can’t talk about papers until 24 hours after them, so instead of doing breaking this rule I’m going to save up all my posts on exams and release them on November 16 or so. I think I will have a lot to say. Maybe I will even move to another blog – I like to do that when a season of Luke ends. ( Each season a different blog).
By the way, I must tell you the following.
In every stage of my life, I’ve felt – in one way or another – the guiding hand of God. I may not be as religious as I should be, and I’m trying to change that as much as I can. So here it goes.
I don’t know whether I’ll do well or badly, and I don’t know if I’ve worked enough these past few years. I would like to say I’ve tried my best, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve always been holding back a bit, slacking off when I should be working. I’m easily distracted and reasonably stubborn as well – a combi that definitely doesn’t work well together. So all I can do now is say that whatever grade I get – I don’t deserve it. If I do well, its solely because of God’s grace in my life and his influence.
Basically, it will be a miracle if I do as well as I hope I can.
Just like it was a miracle that I got into ACS (twice).
A miracle that I got into IB. ( and without crippling fees)
A miracle that I’m even able to talk about all this.
But, even I don’t do that well in terms of grade, I know its really in my best interest in the long run. I’ve made a lot of mistakes thus far in my life, and I probably will continue to make mistakes. I just hope that I can do enough right to serve the purpose that God has planned for me.
Finale
It gets harder me to to study, the closer I get to exams. (I have said this before, I know.)
Since I have a paper tommorow, I haven’t been able to do much for the past 24 hours or so. This whole week has been reasonably relaxed for me, mainly since I managed to finish the main bit of my revision on Sunday.It’s not like I’m a really hard worker, its just that I can’t do work during the exam week. I just sleep. And wait. I do a lot of waiting. I know I should be studying – I’m still not 100% sure on how to answer a ‘Nature’ question for Wars and a ‘TOT’ question for Econs. English Paper 2 is still a nightmare(I have said this before, I know), but I hope to finish reading Huck and Siddhartha the weekend before the paper, something I can do, since I don’t feel that reading is the same as studying.
With IB nearly over I feel very strange. (I’ve said this before, I know) During the last few days of my revision, I felt like I was living the past six years again, just very very rapidly. I looked at things in ways I haven’t looked at them in a long while. It was quite disturbing, but moderately enjoyable.
I haven’t burned out yet, because I don’t ever do more than 5 hours of work a day, but I haven’t been really slacking off because I haven’t done less than 3 hours a day for at least the past few weeks. Not a lot, but more than my usual efforts. I find myself hoping that this is ‘enough’ and it worries me when I wonder if it isn’t. I’m not exactly a focused sort of person and I don’t know how to change that about myself. The problem is people like me tend to end up dead or on the street. Or dead on the street. Of course, I understand that God knows what’s best for me, and know that he will see me through this minor event. However, what’s best for Long-Term-Luke usually means that Short-Term-Luke is going to have a shitty time. (I have said this before, I know.)
