Nothing at all
Nothing interesting has happened over the last few days.
We were threatened with socks, but I feel commenting on that is politically incorrect.
iPhone!
Everyone’s talking about the iPhone all of a sudden. Which makes me really pissed off, because everyone is talking about the iPhone all of a sudden. Its not that a big of a deal. Guys, not everything Apple comes up with is inherently great. It isn’t Sony you know. (snigger snigger snigger).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited too. Hell, I’ve promised myself that I’m switching to Apple the night before the iPhone comes out,just so it won’t be lonely.
But it also makes me laugh because I remember the Zune. I remember the Zune like I remember the Korean War. Its not quite the Vietnam War, but its important too! I mean, Stalin was still getting his shit on during the Korean War.
Stalin does to robot in front of a confused Molotov.
But anyway…..
Oh Microsoft, your fucked now. Especially since all the people who used to buy Microsoft, (i.e., the poor, foolish and geeky) are now switching to Macs. But Bill Gates still in the game. He’s still a player. He’s got a plan. Last I heard, though. he gave 98% of his fortune to charity. Which, ironically, was used to buy insulin and iPods.
In other news, I’ve also found a great new site for vids. Here’s a one Robin Williams clip. Live at the Met.
Nasty Bugs and Youtube
A man is sitting at home reading Kafka. Suddenly, his doorbell rings. Getting up, he goes to answer it. However, to his horror, he is confronted by a 7 foot tall cockroach with eyes like fire, mandibles like scimitars, and a studded leather jacket. Before he can respond, the bug begins screaming profanities at him and slapping him across the face. Then, just as suddenly as it appeared, the bug leaves. Stunned and bleeding the man crawls to his phone to call the police.
They respond -
“Well, there is a nasty bug going around.”
Fine It’s not that funny, but I’m in that bad place, medicated enough to be groggy, but not medicated enough to be high. It’s sort of like limbo, but without all of the confused babies and angry Jews. I may be misintrepreting something, but who cares, this is the internet, I can say whatever the hell I what.
I used my free time to finally get one of those starhub fellas down here to fix my television set. They are suprising adept at this somewhat arcane and revered art.
Of course, I’m wondering why starhub is doing us this favor, with the free upgrades and all. I believe it is some sort of secret plot, involving fanatical cults and possibly TiVo.
Which reminds me of YouTube. There are things about Youtube that I do not understand. Like, why, for instance people spend there time putting up clips and screenshots of anime shows, set to the always appropriate songs of Metallica. There is nothing more annoying than seeing a that fellow from Fullmetal Achemist spasming to St Anger.Even the ridiculous hordes of cam whores that have managed to latch onto Youtube, like some electric remora of angst, aren’t as bad because you can avoid them, for the most part.
Yes, animated epilespy to heavy metal is probably the worst thing on Youtube. Its worse that the so-called commenters. Rarely do you find anything that is even remotely helpful. The best you will get is a few idiotic quotes from the clip. And of course you will have the flamers, a small but select group who make vague accussations about how terrible the video actually is. They are of course opposed by another select group of twits, the constantly optimistic protectors of the rights of the people – namely the right the post god-awful crap on the internet. Again, it does not matter if the film in question is good or bad, all that matters is that it exists. Finally, there is that group that we all know and love, the people who ask that all important question -’ what’s that song in the background’. It doesnt matter if the clip is entitled ‘Pink Floyd- Live in Concert’ or ‘The Execution of Saddam’. There will always be some curious, but generally ignorant prick who demands to know the name of that oh-so-catchy tune in the background.
Damn them. Damn them all.
Tomfoolery
I often hear that it is supposed to be hard to go around making a fool of yourself.Once, years ago, I understood this. Nowadays, I am extremely suspicious of anyone who claims this is true. Making a fool of yourself is easy. Being funny is a bit harder, but still generally easy, as long as you know your audience. Of course, its pretty hellish when you don’t know anything about the people your performing at. I’m no expert, but I’m reasonably sure that the same is true for public speaking and so on.
*plot twist*
In case you didn’t know, detachment is a wonderful way 0f coping with life. The world is a beautiful and terrible place. But we should never forget that this life is nothing but a dream in the grand scheme of things. When we realize this, life becomes alot easier to live.
Tommy Cooper Clip
Tommy Cooper – Britain’s greatest prop comic and magician. Another personal favorite of mine. He could make an audience laugh by just walking onstage.
Gamers
Blizzard recently began the next stage in its devious scheme to achieve complete and total world domination by releasing the first ever WoW expansion- The Burning Crusade. Apparently (Oh weasel words, how I love you) the most addictive thing on the market, aside from acid.
Which leads me to question the purpose of gamers and their ilk in our world. I’ve heard of people farming for gold and selling it. Now, that seems like a sad way to live. But Hey! I shouldn’t be the one to critize.
The best I can figure, the only purpose they serve is to pump money into the aesthetic portion of the VR and computer industry, which we all would be thankful for once we as a race inevitably start living in a virtual reality simulation of the world, when the effects of global warming and pollution make life on this impossible.
Fortunately for me I don’t game anymore and I’ve always stayed away from MMORPGs, if only due to my irrational fear of long acroynms.
And with good reason. Gestapo was an acronym. Amphetamine is an acronym. Unicef is an acronym. And the list goes on.
The I-tunes Quiz, but with WMP!
That I-tunes quiz, which everyone ( Kani and Ken Tay) is doing now. Now with a twist! Not on I-tunes, and with only one artist. Bob Dylan!
1. What do you think of me, iTunes?
Tangled up in Blue
Hmm.
2. Will I have a happy life?
Like a Rolling Stone
I’ll take that as a good thing.
3. What do my friends really think of me?
Spirit on the Water
I can live with that.
4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Baby, I’m in the Mood for You
Gasp. I wonder if certain sequences are built into the shuffle function, and these patterns are used in their quizzes.
5. How can I make myself happy?
If Not for You
huh?
6. What should I do with my life?
Like a Rolling Stone (again)
I get it, I get it.
7. Why must life be so full of pain?
Ain’t Talkin’
Fine, don’t tell me.
8. Will I ever have children?
Lay Down Your Weary Tune.
Sounds foreboding.
9. Will I die happy?
Everybody Must Get Stoned
YAY!
10. Can you give me some advice?
Most Likely You’ll Go Your Own Way (And I’ll Go Mine)
Wise and vague words. Very Interesting
Seinfeld Standup
Because I can’t think of anything witty to say, I’ll just give a link to some standup.
I was originally planning to put up some Richard Pryor clips first, but its a bit hard to find a particularly good one that encompasses everything good about him. Anyway, here’s a Seinfeld clip. Seinfeld is number 12 on Comedy Central’s list of the 100 Best. Now, I notice that most people don’t really find Seinfeld all that funny. ” It’s nice, but not ‘laugh-out-loud’. True. Seinfeld would be a lot better if we were all single 20-30 year old Americans city-dwellers living in the 80s. HOWEVER! When you start watching him for a while, it starts to get funnier.
Another interesting thing about Seinfeld is the utter lack of profanities. I counted about three in this clip. Which is a lot less than the average comedian’s routine.
Shallow and Empty
I am disturbed by how empty my Student Achievement Form looks like. It is a painful reminder of how shallow and empty my life really is – something like a Jacuzzi for leprechauns. I think that they probably use a tactic similar to this in prison camps. You get in , get beaten up by the guards, are starved for three days, kept in a little box and are forced to fill out a form about your life achievements in the past year. Hmm.. That sounds funnier in my head.
Oh well, there’s always recreational substance abuse.
***
Went to see the new 5.14ers today. Interesting experience. I wonder if we’re the only class to do it.
***
Jordan’s Three-Stage Action Plan for Recruitment and Orientation ended yesterday. It was quite a success. The year 5s are now sufficiently orientated and will seamless merge with the rest of the Club. These are exciting time. Lots of talent. I can’t wait to see what they do next year.
